it's been a long time since i blogged but here i am now to vent my anger. thanks & bye.

Dear _____,

XOXO, Rachel Zanna Lee.

Dear _________,

thanks for being part of my life for almost 8 years now. i really do love you as a friend. i do treasure this friendship, but idk if you still do now. you've changed. more than i expected you'd have. i wish things were simpler. just like 1, 2, 3 & A, B, Cs. i know i've changed too. everyone changes as time goes by, but i miss the old you a lot my friend. let me know if you've given up or if you've came back. i miss you.

XOXO, Rachel Zanna Lee.

Dear 205,

i wish we were not so mean to each other. i wish we didn't have ppl hating on one another. i wish. i wish we were the class that ppl are jealous of. i wish. I WISH.

xoxo, Rachel Zanna Lee.

today, i've cried. there are many reasons. i hate myself. you can say i'm having moodswings. you can say i'm bipolar. you can say i'm a bitch. you can say what you like now. i don't really care anymore. i just wanna love myself & love my life.

i really wish that becky is in kc or a same sch as me.. this is too much. i need a sleepover / h2h talk with becky. now. i need to cry.

OTPscxz:

-YoonYul (YoonA & Yuri)

-YulSic (Yuri & Sica)

-JeTi (Sica & Fany)

-2NY (Fany & Sunny)

-SunYeon (Sunny & TaeYeon)

-SulNa (Sulli & Luna)

-SulToria (Sulli & Victoria)

-JungLi (Krys & Sulli)

-LunToria (Luna & Victoria)

-JongKey (Jonghyun & Key)

-OnKey (Onew & Key)

-2Min (Taemin & Minho)

-YeWook (YeSung & RyeoWook)

-EunHae (Eunhyuk & Donghae)

-JunSeob (JunHyung & YoSeob)

-TaeTeuk (Taeyeon & Leeteuk)

-HaeSica (Donghae & Sica)

-HyoHyuk (Hyoyeon & Eunhyuk)

-OnToria (Onew & Vic)

-Taelli (Taemin & Sulli)

-MinStal (Minho & Krys)

-JongNa (Jonghyun & Luna)

-KeyBer (Key & Amber)

-OnNa (Luna & Onew)

hehehe, that's all...i think? lol. okay, bye.

-rzlch

th day started quite badly cos i totally woke up late. was supposed to wake up @ 6AM but i woke up @ 6:55AM instead so, yes. i was late. -.- i cabbed to sch cos i was damn motherfucking late. & when i reached sch, it was slightly later than 7:30AM, th time was supposed to report. & i only got less than 4hrs of slp. -.- I HATE INSOMNIA KAY.

aft we were moved to our stalls, we took attendance & left since i was on 2nd shift. most of us had 2nd shift & we roamed ard the sch & ate. then becky came. marjie too. then joy, jingming, becky & i took the Meteorite ride, it was damn bloody fun, but it was $10. .__. still, worth th $$. walked ard played stuff & soon it was 10:45AM, time for our shift. so we all went for shift. becky roamed ard aimlessly & i was selling satay. it was damn tiring. my backached like some fuck. saw calista dongsaeng too. but didn't see that kwon megan. -.-

aft awhile, i took a break & i was dunking ppl & ppl were dunking me. so yes, i got wet! hehe. but apparently, becky left bfore my shift ended so i didn't have much time w her. ):

anws, i got dunked twice. ^^ & i dunked szemin once. ahaha, that pig.

then deborah was nagging at me for being away so went back to help even tho there wasn't much to help. -.-

then i saw Chel! she looked damn bloody hot today larh kay. heh. actually, ALL Chel, JT, Jojo looked super hot larh. heh. anws, Chel dyed her hair brown (like mine. ^^) & she was wearing this shirt w jeans, i think. lol. & her hair was a bit messy messy one. hehehe.

yeah. then, back to selling satay. lol. we sold quite a lot. use until onion no more then slowly, cucumber also don't have then the sauce also don't have. then only left satay nia. lol. damn funny.

aft 1967692792892634 years, we finally ended shift. then we met up to play agn. heh. went to dunk boon. then dk who dunk me 1 more time, so i got dunked 3 times. my shoes got damn bloody muddy cos it rained like some fuck during my shift. -_-

then joy & jm went to stalk santino. lolol. angmoh boy from SP. actually, he's not v shuai larh. lolol. nose roundround smallsmall one. lol. they took the Meteorite ride, tgt w santino, & they were damn bloody happy. whole day didn't go for haunted hse cos the queue was 24/7 LONGGG. D:

then we saw JT! heh, JT looked like boyboy as usual. lol. she wore a blood red FOX sweater w pants. not long pants, short one. (:

blahblahblah

went to the middle of nowhere in the courtyard & we all sat down. me & dayana took off our shoes cos our socks & shoes were damn disgusting. & wendy was damn nice to go to 7eleven to buy slippers for us yknow! thanks wendy! ^^ ♥

wanted to go to bouncy castle but joy & labi wanted to change out of their ncc uniform. so, we went for Meteorite ride agn. heh. aft that joy & labi went to change & they disappeared for awhile. -.- aft that then we met up agn & ate. (:

blahblahblah.

me + nicole weers + dayana + wendy + jm went to bouncy castle to play! ^^ like kids right, we all, but fun okay. ahaha.

almost towards th end, labi & i were queuing to buy drinks then i was queuing beside Jojo! xD -spazz mode- she was wearing a greyish checked shirt with grey skinnies. & i realised smth, her figure is quite good kay. hour glass leh. almost slimmer than me ._. so yeah. hehehe.

dismissed ald then blahblah.

waited for joy & labi agn w jm & charmaine tan. then mrs helen lie saw us & asked for our help to throw th excess food away. -__- we were damn bloody tired lorh! ):

aft that, jm, joy, labi went to pp while i headed home alone. (:

reached home, ate dinner, walked treevor & now blogging here, almost half aslp ald.

but anws, today's carnival was damn fun & tiring lorh.

OHH, today was our dear cousin, Mr Efron Wee Shan's bday. so we kept singing him happybday & making fun of him. his friends were here too & they also kept making fun of him cos we kept making him shy. TROLOLOLOL.

in short, today was an eventful day. (: 101120! ♥

-chickenduckk!♥

sometimes, it's also fake. you won't even know when it's real & when it's actually fake.

conclusion, you can also say it's all a liar.

bcos, idk who to trust anymore.
sometimes, i can't talk to you it's not bcos i don't want too, kay? sometimes it's not within my limits too. i too, am a human, a teenage girl. i too have a mum. i'm still a girl, not an adult okay. i can't make all the decisions. if a friendship is based ONLY on communication, i think that we might as well not have this 'friendship' we have. if this communication does not exist then it wld also mean that this friendship wld be gone. POOOF! gone like the wind, right?

next issue is also abt friendship. hmm, friendship has been giving me loads of trouble lately too huh.

dearest friend,

yes, i love you. i love my other friend too. we practically spent our childhoods tgt, spending 6 years in kcp, doing almost everything tgt & in th most nonsensical manner ever. lately i haven't been able to go out w my twinne & you just had to come inbetween us. oh well, maybe my mummy was right, maybe you are that bad & mean. maybe i shldn't have trusted you time & time agn despite my mummy telling me time & time agn. maybe it is all true, maybe i was just too blind to see the truth huh. you know what? you've changed. i guess as time goes by, everyone changes. including me, i knw i've changed, & obviously everyone else wld too. i won't blame you, bcos it was my choice. i choose to believe in you & our friendship of almost 7 years. i guess it's all just my fault to not be wary. it's just my fault to trust ppl to easily & that's the reason why i'm hurt. it's my fault that i'm crying for th 2nd time in my 13 years on earth for friendship. yes, 2nd time, no lying. 1st was when i was p1/p2 when i was still immature, when Genevieve & i really hated one other. i admit, i was immature & foolish. but after almost 5-6 years, i have nvr dropped a single teardrop for friendship anymore, until today.

i guess all these things was brought upon myself. it was my fault that i cldn't text you cos i didn't have unlimited sms like you all. it was my fault that i trusted you so much. it was all my fault.

& no, i'm not crying while typing these.. i've gotten over it. i'll be strong, even w/o friends like you. bcos of you all, i've learnt to be alert & learnt to see who my true friends really are. in fact, i wanna say a big thank you for showing me your true colours. i'll still love you, my dear friend. no matter what, but it's just up to you if you'll do the same..

i'll be strong.

-chickenduckk!

so, first. my mum woke me up bcos of some fb problem.

thn, i was forced to pack abit of the room. aft, i got ready to send my grandma, keagan & his parents.

blahblahblah.

i started crying for almost nth @ t3. yes, i cried, really hard. idek why. i just cried. i ran to the toilet & cried like a fucktard. hmm, & my mum thought it was my dad who made me cry so she kinda told him off, but wtv. idc. i just cried th fuck out. & i was very emotional even aft i stopped. the tears kept coming. i didn't knw why. guess this is why i hate puberty.

ate & stuff.

sent grandma in & went to ikea to buy stuff to pack my things. D:

went home, packed everything.

ordered macs & ate.

packed somemore.

mum was very pissed off since laura bought 'useless' things. scolded like some fuck.

pack somemore.

& i'm here typing everyt.

seriously missing my grandma ald. can't imagine 10days w/o her seh.

living hell is starting larh, kay? fml, just fml.

i was damn emo the whole day larh. i really wanted to jump off the building okay. fuck my life.

i'm tearing as i'm typing these.

really damn sick of this life. i feel so useless larh. it's like i'm not smart, i'm not good in anyt. i'm not successful in anyt larh. fuck.

really wish that when i sleep & wake up, everyt is not like what it is..

so, today, i finally exploded. all that i tried so hard to hold & keep in me... hais. wtv. MLIA.

ending here, see you soon.

-chickenduck. 101106.